Boom! The sound of another hope blowing up in my face. Ya know that joke about "if you wanna hear God laugh, tell him your plans?" Well, that joke was made about me. Oh, don't get me wrong, still longing for the day that I feel like I can lay some roots somewhere with the love of my life. However, Mr. Who-I-Can't-Stop-Thinking-About reality checked me on a pretty low level.
Some people are meant to be phases of our lives like they are only a piece to our puzzle. They are only meant to fit in one way in one spot but the puzzle just keeps getting bigger and eventually, that piece is lost in all the other pieces. This piece, though, is a piece that doesn't altogether fit. For some reason, I'm completely caught up in the story of this one...piece of my life that just refuses to stay in one spot to fit.
As a Christian, I believe in God's plan for me and I catch myself getting lost in my own plans instead of leaning on his....maybe that's my problem. Maybe he's putting this piece in my puzzle as a test of faith. This person who teases me with his great job and sense of security happens to be falling into my life as effortlessly as he falls out. And EVERY SINGLE TIME I want him to stay so badly. I spend weeks wondering, wanting, trying, and then crying.
This time, the weeks have been spent with mixed signals. I'm so confused. Why would someone hold my hand, rub my feet, invite me into their space so comfortably (when that is WAY outside their box) and then simply not communicate with me any further? What did I do? I love him with all my heart and soul. Maybe that's the test....I failed miserably this time. All I know is....if I ever get another chance at this piece of my puzzle.....
Some people are meant to be phases of our lives like they are only a piece to our puzzle. They are only meant to fit in one way in one spot but the puzzle just keeps getting bigger and eventually, that piece is lost in all the other pieces. This piece, though, is a piece that doesn't altogether fit. For some reason, I'm completely caught up in the story of this one...piece of my life that just refuses to stay in one spot to fit.
As a Christian, I believe in God's plan for me and I catch myself getting lost in my own plans instead of leaning on his....maybe that's my problem. Maybe he's putting this piece in my puzzle as a test of faith. This person who teases me with his great job and sense of security happens to be falling into my life as effortlessly as he falls out. And EVERY SINGLE TIME I want him to stay so badly. I spend weeks wondering, wanting, trying, and then crying.
This time, the weeks have been spent with mixed signals. I'm so confused. Why would someone hold my hand, rub my feet, invite me into their space so comfortably (when that is WAY outside their box) and then simply not communicate with me any further? What did I do? I love him with all my heart and soul. Maybe that's the test....I failed miserably this time. All I know is....if I ever get another chance at this piece of my puzzle.....
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