Nincompoop Corner

Isn't it funny how you don't stop loving things you loved as a child? 

Who could afford cable when I was a kid?? LOL Antenna me up, baby! All my t.v. picked up was channel 4, 7, 11 (fuzzy news galore). 

Somehow we ended up with a 1988 VHS marathon recording of the Three Stooges..commercials and all. I watched that damn tape daily for months memorizing every ridiculous song, character, quote, joke, etc. Now as I look back on it, I think maybe I just wanted to feel like I was watching regular t.v. Hehehe 

So the dirty little secret, I LOVE the Stooges!! Call me dorky if you want, but after this many years and supposedly "growing up" I still laugh. Dream date: take me to romantic candlelit dinner, buy me flowers, and cuddle up with me on the couch to watch some Stooges.  Doubt it'll ever happen but I laugh harder when I'm alone. 

Moe, Larry, Curly...ya still got it. 

Memories Haunt Me

"What if's" are truly evil.  They seem to be haunting me. I'm not feeling very grounded lately which forces me to wonder what I'm doing wrong in life. Am I supposed to be a different place in life at my age? I don't necessarily think so for someone else my age but am beginning to feel the pressures of society becoming a more regular occurrence. People who haven't seen me in a while don't ask about my work or my  happiness level with things....only "Are you married yet?" I was demeaned in front of a ton of people last weekend over having standards. Heh ACTUALLY, I was just out dancing and having a good time. I met some guy who was a pretty good dancer so I just went with it without any expectations of giving a shit who he is as a person.  Sometimes a girl just wants to dance and enjoy being herself. 


What happened was...as I was standing outside waiting for my ride to get there AND saying good night to several people I grew up with or have known forever, this JACKASS loudly states "You're going home with me tonight." with which "Negative Ghost Rider" was the reply. I got not 1 chewing out but 2. I was hearing things like, "I know I have 4 kids. I'm paying $1800 a month for them. You shouldn't worry about it, you'll never see em. They ain't @ my house." In trying to sincerely not be rude, I was saying things like,"If I wanted someone with kids, I'd be married to them already. I don't even know who you are. It's not my fault your fertile and/or irresponsible. Live with your choices." The crazy thing was, I think an old friend was paying attention and just gave me a random hug on the way out.  


Given situations like that one, it's easy to see how some things never change. The mentality never changes. Men generally have to be dominant, expect things to come easy, and don't require love to be the priority.  


I was also told recently that it's intimidating to flirt/compliment me b/c I'm a "hot blonde" w/a travel job. That's just not fair. I'm about 6 hours from a man that I think is probably amazing. Annnnnd he's easily intimidated. I don't know what to do but this aimlessly wandering thing is getting old. I've got an old soul that's weary.  What's a hopeless romantic who wants that fairy tale love story to do in a world of sexual innuendos and misguided expectations of women.  Le sigh

Get on With it

The problem with living like a gypsy alone is that sometimes there's nothing but time to think. Within this week's time, I have had many faces; I've carried hurt, sadness, inferiority, insecurity, etc.  It's been rough. I've wondered how I'm going to make it through this job assignment, how I'll ever meet someone worth keeping, how I'll ever meet someone who will keep me, how I can make my family life more positive, how I can grow as a person without having loved ones around me. There's a heavy heart in Austin tonight...I don't know what I'm looking for but I know when I find it.   I need something in my life to happen so badly. 

Nos vemos de nuevo algún día

Another era of my life has faded to make room for the one ahead of me.  I needed you, Odessa, to revive the cold blood that pulsed through me in leaving Chicago.  I needed a sense of community, belonging, affection, and even humor to come back into my life. I not only got that in Odessa but I was able to provide those qualities to others. I was able to begin to love again. I felt a piece of myself come back that had been dormant for so long that I had forgotten what living was like.  There's something freeing in my soul when I know that I loved someone with as much of my heart as I could give and that even though it ended, I was happy in that moment.  I've felt a sense of confidence and independence sweep over me opening me up for new opportunities...dreams.  Thank you Florida, Alaska, and Texas for all that you have given me in the past few months...you woke me up and made me live.