Now What

As much as this shame spiral has been a blast to BS my way through, at some point, I have to put on my "big girl" panties and pick my ass up off the ground. I'm tired of numbing myself to the reality that I have put myself into.  I want to be real with someone and I need someone to get real with me. Rock bottom actually came last night as I was drunk as ever half awake, half passed out in my bed when I inevitably decided to contact my past and my present at the same time only to receive utter dead end disappointment.  Talking about a text disaster.  Thankfully I was too smashed to get pissed off.  


Wait...is that...SHINEDOWN!!! later peeps...off into musical bliss until sunrise

Feelin' Lucky

More times than I care to admit, I've had the job of looking at someone my own age to deliver bad news. Yeah, should have thought about that before going into a medical career...but hey! I'm just saving the world right?? It's more than humbling to sit across a table at someone who is ill, unable to comprehend what's coming to them, unable to distinguish priorities because they are medically so messed up that one thing doesn't sound better than another.  I looked into eyes today of someone who is only 33 years old. This person has a progressive disease that is impacting every function of their body leaving them losing too much weight too fast, too high of a risk to do needed surgeries on, and with little hope for improvement.  This person will die before I reach that age. She's the age of my cousins...my best friend....not very much older than me.  My heart breaks for her.  


It's not fair. 

Summer Mummers

There's nothing more fulfilling for a traveler than to check out the local dives and learn about the community in which you're temporarily calling home.  An opportunity came about last night that provided me with a personal truth of Texas; they are loyal to the end of the earth. Talking about proud to be something! TEXANS!! Summer Mummers is a local yearly show that's a lot like skits meet improve meets Midland, TX.  They made rivalry, nudity, aging, and sexual preference hilarious.  Towards the end of the entertainment, an announcement was made to honor Texans (emphasis on the high # proportionately of military men/women coming from this gargantuan state)  with, "Texas can survive without the United States, but the states can't survive without Texas." Oh my, TX, you are proud.  Without affirming or negating that statement, I will note that the men here sure are chivalrous and the community here (despite being strangers) have been more welcoming than any other town I've been to in my life.  Odessa and Midland, Texas are bumps in the road on the map/internet/state; however, they are huge in family, community, & personality. This is a town of people I hope to be like in where ever my feet may finally rest.  Lesson learned: never judge a book by its cover.   You never know when it'll change your life forever.