Almost Lover

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6o1GVKul38c

Too much time has passed since I used blogging as an outlet.  So much as happened.  For the most part, I look at my blog and am reminded so much of Will (love killed by drunk driver).  

I recently memorialized his 1 year post passing date.  I can honestly say I have never been through anything so hard.  I have never truly ached for a person, grieved over death, felt so weak....I have never loved a man like that. I'm not totally sure I can again; however, I'm trying.

I do have a boyfriend. He's kind of a goober.  Pro's: hard working, loves me for me, is patient, is kind, financially stable.  Con's: he doesn't challenge me mentally or emotionally.  

I'm not sure if he's the one.  I do know that I love him...in love?? Different story.  He's heading towards being my best friend but that takes time and it's taking a lot more energy of me teaching him what I need than he's having to put into me, in my opinion.  

What to think?? 

Shake Up!

Where to begin?!? Well, by June i had left Arkansas as my assignment ended. I had spent much time debating staying there as someone I love very much was there. However, being the true gentleman, he would not indicate a want of me taking that step for him but would rather i choose to stay and he be an aside. Without him though, i would have no reason to stay. So there we were. Brick wall. So with doubt i pressed on traveling. I got a Dallas position where I am now. Look at me! Director of Rehab for less than 6 months and my "someone" gets killed by a drunk driver....plus it comes out he has a prenant FBuddy. Wonderful. God makes no mistakes. 

Gettin' into a Groove!

Finally! I'm getting to a point where Dallas doesn't wear me out daily!! Operation Nobody Likes a Fatty is underway with the effects being noticed.  There are inches lost, cellulite disappearing, and last but not least...jeans that can fit again! Ugh!! I'm so freaking excited about my progress that I can't wait to shop now which is obviously going to cut into my spending plan!! I can't stop traveling too!! Right now, I have a trip to Detroit in 3 weeks and 2 months later a trip to Atlanta!! Geez, Konjo....get it together.  Hope anyone who reads this is having such a busy but awesome time in life right now. I'm gonna send good vibes to all my readers out there! 

Behold! Me :)

When I began this job (this life), I had no idea the impact it would have on my relationships with people.  It's never really been difficult for me to make friends or meet men to at least have a crush on.  When I began this traveling, I had just made the decision to walk away from a list of giant life choices I had made in the previous year which had all failed.  My CFY was tumultuous, my job was unethical and overly demanding, my cost of living to income ratio kept me broke, my new city was cold literally and figuratively, my family didn't support my efforts, and to top the cake...my love had turned into my burden.  I had to just walk away and if you've ever done that with anything in life, you realize how unbelievably difficult it can be. 

At that time, relationships were the last thing on my mind.  I didn't care if I had friends or love.  I wanted my own space, money and interests to acquire.  Yep, I didn't really have anything going for myself because I was so wrapped up in the ex.  Girl mistake 101.  Well folks, that was a year and a half ago.  Now I'm a place where I want people around me.  I want consistency. I want love.  I look for connections.  What I have taken from everything that has occurred in my lifetime is one very important thing.  Consistency facilitates progression.  I  have never had stability in any part of my entire life and maybe that's why I feel so comfortably living a lifestyle of constant change and uncertainty.  Who knows....

What I do know is that I have my own interests now.  I have things to bring to the table for anyone I may be so lucky to spend time with in my future.  I'm ready for my life to progress and I am ready for consistency.  I just need to find time for it :) 

Sweet Surprises!!

Latest vice has been donuts.  I randomly eat those things but stopped to get some Monday as I was rushing into work. Hey, I'm a simple person.  2 glazed donuts satisfies all the cravings and frankly, it hit the spot.  Actually, it was the best dang donuts I have ever eaten!! This business is amazing.  It's a clean, modernly decorated place.  They put donuts on display but you don't see the have used sheets of donuts because they go to the back to get you FRESH ones!! They are warm and the glaze has barely set....ok....so you see how easily a person could get addicted right!?!?! That being said....


Voices bantering outside the apartment at 7 a.m. isn't the best way to wake up on the last day of the weekend to sleep in! What can a girl do? So I'm staring at the ceiling and all I can think about is those stupid donuts.  Do I really have extra money to waste on a whim food item that's bad for me? Not really but they are only 75 cents.  Do I really want to get dressed and drive all the way there for that? Well I'll pull my hair back and just put on a bra. LOL Excuses led me to the donut direction.  


Not gonna lie to you; I cherished every delicate moment I had with those donuts.  Then it happened...the motivation I needed to get control of myself. Having licked my fingertips clean already I began unpacking a few keepsakes that I typically use around my apartment to make it feel a little like home.  As I'm digging through this small box, I come across a "Fat Picture" I took of myself last December.  I mean one of those "before" pictures people take to remember what they started exercising and dieting for to begin with.  I labeled the date and weight at the time and put it on my fridge while I was in Austin to remind myself not to eat out of boredom.  Well ladies and gentlemen; I have lost almost 20 lbs since that picture was taken. I didn't even realize it.  Today, I took a progress picture, went for a run and promised myself


NO MORE DONUTS. 

Puzzle Pieces

Remember long ago when I mentioned that I feel like life is a serious of puzzle pieces? You don't know what the big picture looks like until the end. Sometimes you pick up pieces too soon that don't fit even though you know they belong somewhere.  Sometimes you look back on a certain piece you love and realize it's so far back in your puzzle that you feel a little sad.  I'm beginning to look at every piece like that.  


These gypsy feet do grow weary.  It's about time to settle down a little I think and finally....I have direction.  I finally enjoy a place from top to bottom, feel welcome and am excited to make a plan to be here long term.  The Avett Brothers say "When you're loved by someone, you're never rejected. Decide what to be and go be it." That's what I need to remember.  I came here simply to hang out with a friend and the person I found was someone that isn't just a bestie...she's a strong person who loves me for me and she inspires me to decide to be.  Now to work out the kinks and save for an apartment!! 

Texas, I'm Back

The moment finally came!! My family officially drove me crazy enough to leave the state!! Nah...kinda.  My mini vacation was anything but relaxing.  Time was spent recovering from the removal of my wisdom teeth, caring for my dog who obtained about 7 inches worth of stitches down his chest, going to at least 6 doctor appointments, spending time with the whole family on the 4th, helping my nephew move his furniture outside to remodel inside then a day later running in the rain to cover the furniture, going to a OBGYN appointment to hear the heartbeat of my great niece on the way, and trying to give any advice I have to the young adults at home who are getting out on their own for the first time any day now.  It was painful, memorable, exciting, eye-opening....so many moments captured in 2 weeks.  


Now here I am in Dallas, TX for an assignment that will probably be shorter rather than later but is shaping up to quite possibly be the place I stop and settle down once I'm finished traveling.  Yep...this is it.  It's the year I slow down.  I can't believe I'm saying it but I love Texas.  I love Texan food, attitude, vivaciousness and men :) Time to save some money and park it.