Chic Moment

Been thinking a lot about the simple pursuit of happiness. Wouldn't it be a pretty good idea to establish what that happiness should look like before chasing it? Lately, the unsettled nature of my life has been disheartening.  These gypsy feet do grow weary.  What do I for sure want? Marriage; yes. Kids; forever indifferent. Steady friends & family around; Yup! Couldn't I get that anywhere?? So why can't I pick any anywhere and stay there!!?? What is keeping me restless??!! To make things worse, I keep looking back lately on people who I pegged were phases who keep randomly popping into my head space. Get out of my head space and into my personal space!! HELLO!! Don't just text me on Christmas! After 3 weeks of silence, I'm not going to delude myself into thinking that Mr. Bad Timing would be thinking of me on Christmas. Come on...probably Mr. Amazing Personality was post dinner belly bulge and probably so bored out of mind that the cell came out and was simply scrolled through with mass texts sent.  Well thank you so much, Mr. Highly Unlikely for messing with my psyche :) 

Cosmos Warning

"Your December Monthly Forecast: What's missing? What are you short of? Or have you just convinced yourself that life would be better if only you had something else? You need to establish the answer quickly because soon you may well have your wish granted. It may then prove difficult to return the gift that the cosmos has given you. Furthermore, nature abhors a vacuum. For as long as there is a gap in your life, there is a chance it can be filled. But once you put something in that place, you no longer have a space. It may be better, in December, to accept an absence than to force a presence."

Yep...that's my horoscope for December.  It does hit home rather intensely. Oh, damn this unsettled soul!! What AM I looking for?? I'm just wandering around aimlessly here in TEXAS!! Ahahaha Guess I need to stop looking before the cosmos take revenge on me. 

Anyone have any good ideas for what I should do to fill my December?? My search for the missing element has officially been put on hold. 

Of Course!!

Spontaneity may not be the most practical way to live a life but damn it, it keeps me going. My day-to-day is completely based off the "fly by the seat of your pants" philosophy.  Most of the time, it's a whimsical and minimally disappointing way to get through the muck of society.  HOWEVER, I am not one with nature today!! Where is Buddha when you need him?? Where's that damn tree he parks under??? 


No, no...let me just let you know.  I just had to work 10 days through my birthday, my gift from Mom was literally burned as a part of trash on accident, couldn't check my mail b/c I realized I don't know my mailbox number (figured it was my apt #...nope), can't hire the personal trainer  (the bday gift I was giving myself) I have an appointment with now because my tires were so freaking expensive, my tires were sold @ discount price to get the sale but were still $775, thought I'd give myself a deluxe mani/pedi today instead for my bday wherein the employee was putting so much pressure & pain on my nails that I just got up and left with crazy crappy looking hands, thought I'd try one last time to celebrate my bday and went to a target SUPERSTORE to find something ANYTHING to make me happy and came out with new exercise clothes....so I tortured myself @ the gym for an hour & half.  And lastly, I FINALLY met some cool neighbors who have an awesome puppy for my puppy to play with @ the dog park that is in my apt complex and I'm leaving in 2 weeks due to my borderline psychotic boss. 


BUDDHA MAN!!!  What tree are you under!! 

That Would Be Me

In reminiscing hilarious geriatric events with a friend, my laughter was suddenly brought to a halt as a comment turned into a vision about my future geriatric self.  June, a lady from a past era, was the epitome of my future self.  

JUNE....hehehehe...

I'll be the one instigating trouble and fighting among the others

because I love a cheap thrill

I'll be the one making faces as the nurses walk away

because I really don't know anything

I'll be the one that says "huh?" repeatedly like I can't hear you

when really I've always thought that was funny

I'll be the one clinging to my wheelchair arm rests  in resistance  to you physical therapists tryin' to make me move!!! 

but you would have seen me do the same in a canoe.

Have you ever wondered what you'll look like as an elderly person?

Have you stared at a room full of dementia and said,

"Yep....he/she reminds me of ME."

....and laughed?

Is it still funny now?? 

JUNE

Hakuna Matata

Ya ever have one of those days where...the indifference in you is almost tangible?? I'm absolutely in travel assignment hell.  The goals I keep setting for myself are getting squished out because of surrounding circumstances leaving me with unfinished business.  The morbidly psychotic diva I work for absolutely questioned every ounce of integrity I have as a speech therapist.  HELLO!! I work with the geriatric population because I FUCKIN' LOVE OLD PEOPLE!!! Geezuzz Thankfully, I had already called those who mattered (those who actually pay me) so the shit hitting the fan today was a surprise to no one and that shit eating grin (which probably has happened since she eats foods handled by patient's hands) didn't make a dent in my day. Talking about a poster child for MORON.  Besides that, the most amazing figure in my life, MOM, had a breakdown over not being able to fulfill her motherly duty of sending me a bday present d/t unfortunate circumstances.  Her love language is giving gifts in objects or dinners, etc.  She expresses herself in how thoughtful she is about her gifts even though she second guesses every single one she buys.  The fact that she was so hurt over thinking I would be hurt for not getting a gift in the mail for my birthday was so sweet even though she was literally hysterical about it.  This is a woman who probably just lost something in a lost gift that took her a week to work for $$ and it's not the money she's worried about...it's my feelings being hurt over being without a bday present...how can someone who was raised with a woman like that, with passion and love of humanity, be lazy/uneducated/unethical with work?? Mom, if you ever read this, I do love you with all of my being....I want to be like you and have the capacity to love the way that you do; without boundaries.  Don't worry about that gift. 

Operation "Nobody Likes a Fatty"

Even now I cringe at thinking about those words coming from the perky athletic mouth of my ginger acquaintance.  She'd say that all the time referencing herself...I guess as motivation to work out.  But to someone who doesn't work out and has a little junk in the trunk (nah mean!!) it's not a sensitive thing to say.  


Wow...that's probably the most girlie thing I've said all day.   "Be more sensitive!!" For real, LilFoot....don't be such a chick. Ok so anyways,


I just talked to my personal trainer who will be coming by on a regular basis in the weeee a.m. to make sure I do cardio and...stuff?? The conversation was at least interesting. Yes, she's certified/trained/educated in....exercise stuff.  Yes she'll help me meet all my goals and LOSE WEIGHT! Oh yeah and I need to journal for the next 2 weeks about what I eat. I'm deathly afraid she's going to request I slow down on the diet coke. She sounded super sweet and sugar coated the torture I'm about to pay a lot of $$ for. Now don't get me wrong!! I called her and I am excited to be accountable for some workouts because really....my motivation is a downward flaming spiral right now.  


But I don't trust her....she might as well be a man. :) 

Suga Foot

Way ta go, Lady! Found another way to throw yourself out there emotionally again. I'm taking a few miles backwards next weekend to find out one thing only...what's it like to spend time with someone. Truth is...we barely have even seen each other around the whole time I was there and now I'm living 6 miles away.  Truth is...timing is bad and I always believed Fate would help me with these things.  Truth is....I have doubts about whether he'll actually even make an appearance. He hasn't done anything to give me that impression BUT men are notorious for telling me what I want to hear and then being honest AFTER it counted for shit.  Yes, Suga Foot, you are putting yourself out there again with little reason to other than knowing that you will always wonder "what if" should you not go check it out.  "What ifs" are so so evil