I was raised to love everyone and to treat everyone as I would want to be treated. Sometimes, that's a real struggle for me. I've definitely hurt some people that I love dearly over dumb things. There's also been quite a few moments where I instantly decided someone was not worth knowing thereby closing any window of opportunity of something great to occur. This week has been a challenge because I felt an inevitable gravity to reach out to someone that I did hurt. I handled a situation wrongly a year ago...pushed a few buttons that I knew were powerful ones (which to be honest I had never pushed in saving it for ammo.) I did those things to make a harsh, very real point to someone who couldn't be talked to or rationalized with; someone who can't have an introspective point of view to own up to a flaw let alone flaws plural. And the disappointing result was that the point was not made: this person made herself a victim. "Why do people ALWAYS do this to me! It's the same thing! I'm just too nice! They take advantage!" What a foolish thing to say.
I'm not perfect. I know this. I know my weaknesses and I'm a strong enough person to look back on them with regret and try today to amend relationships/start new ones w/a healthier potential. Victimizing yourself does nothing but show a decreased self-esteem as well as an immaturity in handling a life situation. It's not my fault that someone's mama didn't teach them life skills to be able to handle such things. At the same time, I'm thinking..."Well if this has happened more than once from different kinds of people, do ya really think that it takes a genius to figure you out OR that it has something to do with you to make folks consistently push that button?"
Don't get me wrong..there were definitely good times. Funny thing is...I can think of 4-5 different episodes off the top of my head that was never spoken about but that this person did to make me feel insignificant, inferior, singled-out, or even the blunt of that person's bad day. And while I'm on the phone being called names, lectured, and even demeaned...I never said anything harsh. I just apologized for what I did or any hurt that followed and left it as it was. I don't put up a front. I am who I am...I don't go outside in makeup and short shorts acting like I'm confident and awesome then come home and cry because no one wants to be around me. I don't end my day alone. I feel sorry for that person. It's sad and I am sorry that I'm not willing to be there.
I'm not perfect. I know this. I know my weaknesses and I'm a strong enough person to look back on them with regret and try today to amend relationships/start new ones w/a healthier potential. Victimizing yourself does nothing but show a decreased self-esteem as well as an immaturity in handling a life situation. It's not my fault that someone's mama didn't teach them life skills to be able to handle such things. At the same time, I'm thinking..."Well if this has happened more than once from different kinds of people, do ya really think that it takes a genius to figure you out OR that it has something to do with you to make folks consistently push that button?"
Don't get me wrong..there were definitely good times. Funny thing is...I can think of 4-5 different episodes off the top of my head that was never spoken about but that this person did to make me feel insignificant, inferior, singled-out, or even the blunt of that person's bad day. And while I'm on the phone being called names, lectured, and even demeaned...I never said anything harsh. I just apologized for what I did or any hurt that followed and left it as it was. I don't put up a front. I am who I am...I don't go outside in makeup and short shorts acting like I'm confident and awesome then come home and cry because no one wants to be around me. I don't end my day alone. I feel sorry for that person. It's sad and I am sorry that I'm not willing to be there.
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